I had a very interesting conversation with a friend just a few days ago. He and I both agreed that we are living in an insane world and that the more “normal” one is the more that they stick out. I couldn’t help but agree at that time but have thought a lot on this subject. In fact I feel as if I am the opposite of “normal” or whatever that means.
Supposedly if you fall into line do what you are told-no questions asked than you have a chance to fit in. Don’t look to deeply at yourself or at others, live a superficial materialistic life and you will be ok. BUT if you question life, the power structure, don’t take other people’s dramas very well than you are labeled an outcast or worse. But the thing is I don’t feel “normal” and haven’t for years. Heck I don’t even know what the word means to begin with.
I have never felt like I have fit in and I am not sure that I want to. I have danced to my own drummer since as far back as I can remember. See my Mom died in 1981 just before my 10th birthday. So I have not felt “normal” as far back as at least then. My life has been a constant process of questioning reality, existence when I was but a child. These unanswered questions eventually led me to pursue the spiritual path through Zen and Yoga.
Many people who have such a traumatic loss do turn inwards and wind up walking the spiritual path. I read about this somewhere. So from an early age I was not able to take what the world had to offer me and I said no this is not right, why me? Of course that question has spread out to include so many others and is now “why us?” Why are we the lucky ones to be alive right now at this chaotic fork in the road of man’s existence?
The traumas of my life are pretty much right there in front of me like the 1000 pound elephant in the room. My life has been affected on so many levels by losing my Mom. BUT I am fortunate that I pretty much have a direct source of my issues, my baggage-the cross on my shoulders. This is unlike most others who have just as many issues or traumas but they are more like a fine sand and are harder to get an awareness of but wind up doing just as much damage.
The bottom line is one either faces their internal self or buries it away. So it seems the normal thing to do is to bury issues, to deny issues, to cast responsibility onto others but not at oneself. That it seems is how to be “normal” in life. Let life eat away at you, drive you into depression or mad with anger. Depression and anger go hand in hand and depression and anger also drive the world round and round into ever consuming madness.
So I ask you what is normal to you? For me I don’t think that I will ever be on the same page as the rest of the world. For me “normal” is being a student of life and attempting to deconstruct the matrix/the illusion of the physical matrix. How do we find our way back into the true self while walking in mortal flesh? This is not “normal” to others who just want to live life on the superficial level and play all the games of the corporate global game of life. That is fine by me. But at the end of the day we all have to live in the same world. I seem to get my toes stepped on more than I step on other people’s toes. I do my best to have empathy and compassion. After all life is a test we are all taking whether we realize it or not. The answers are our reaction to what happens plus the feeling behind our actions.