An Albuquerque attorney was telling me not so long ago about the difficulty in representing people they don’t know. How arduous it was to know who was sincere, and who was playing them. I was more than a little taken aback that this supposed trained observer could struggle with such human behavior. Isn’t that what they’re educated to be able to identify?
Ultimately, though they are trained attorneys, they are people too, full of doubt and reservation, trained too from a lifetime of human activity. Is it so hard to tell the difference between a schemer and someone that’s just so naive they don’t recognize the situations they are caught up in?
Take the schemer. Those who would rather take advantage of you than build a friendship or relationship with you, if you approach them with totally innocent intentions, their first reaction is to assume you are up to something. Why? Because if they were doing the same thing to you, they would be up to something.
We all do this; assume that others take at face value what we are trying to accomplish. Honest people take our actions as forthright, and those with less-than-honorable intentions think we have a selfish agenda. If you twist the implications far enough, none of us would ever know what the other half is up to.
What am I trying to say here? You’re probably wondering what this has to do with love right about now. Here it is. In order to ever have a relationship that just…works, we have to be in it with someone of our own ilk. When you approach them with an abstract concept, they have to know you are on the level. And you, they. Otherwise the relationship is always derailed by doubt.
So when you start considering whether to spend your life with someone, first look for the signs. Are you innocent, and they’re disingenuous? Are they candid, and you’re not. Just having it put that way makes it sound impossible. And have no doubts that you can end up with someone dishonest. They can be attractive too. They can want love too. They can lure you in with the intentions of making you their wife or husband. It’s just that they’re so entrenched in their ways they don’t realize people that love each other don’t play each other. That’s all they know.
I can’t help you schemers. You’re all doomed to failure as long you exhibit that behavior. But for those of you who truly are forthcoming, be sure to choose someone of your own fiber. In this way you have a fighting chance at a lasting relationship. In this way, you never have to wonder where your partner is coming from. You can, at least, get on with the business of whether you agree with them on anything.