We can send people to the moon.
We can develop vaccines against deadly diseases.
Yet we can’t come up with a way to screen for breast cancer the doesn’t involve putting “the girls” into what appears to be the high-tech equivalent of a trash compactor.
Am I alone here?
Check your modesty at the door and you’ll be fine
Truly, it’s not bad.
After all, we’re women…we’re used to checking our modesty at the doctor’s waiting room door.
Frankly, if we can make an annual habit of donning a dumpy paper dress, placing our feet in cold metals stirrups and having a mini “car jack-like” contraption crank open our cervical area … then a mammogram should be no sweat.
And it isn’t.
But don’t admit that to the man in your life … milk it (no pun intended) as much as you can.
Elicit empathy: conduct a live “in home” dramatization of “The man-o-gram”
In fact, if your man makes the mistake of asking, “So what’s the big deal about getting a mammogram? I mean, how bad can it be?” proceed as follows:
1. Rip off a strand of paper towels (but only enough to cover up his back side)
2. Tell him to drop his pants and hand him the inadequate coverage “paper” gown
3. Call the guy next door to come over to help (because as we know, part of the mammogram experience is having a strange woman grab hold of breast tissue you didn’t know you had and hoist it onto the mammography machine)
4. Take the waffle iron (for goodness sake … don’t plug it in … this is a simulation after all) and place it on the table and instruct your man to place his manhood (“twig AND berries” please) onto the bottom plate of the iron. Man neighbor will have to help because as we know, when we age, things have the annoying habit of “spreading out.”
5. Now, bring down the lid, placing a soup can on top just to hold it down against his temptation to squirm
6. As anxiety begins to take hold, your man will have likely already ceased to breathe but tell him to hold his breath anyway
7. Walk slowly into the other room, wait a few seconds and them come back in and tell him that you’re going to repeat the procedure three more times … more if needed
Need more info?
For more information on FAQ about mammography, click here.
Do Tell: Have you had a mammogram? Was it as bad as you worried it would be? Did it uncover any concerns?