Dear Annie, Where can I meet a great guy who is interested in a relationship? I’m 49, live in San Francisco and have been on more than 120 coffee dates with men I’ve met online in the last couple of years. I rarely go on a second date, as I usually know whether there is any chemistry within a few minutes—and it’s just not happening. I don’t want to waste my time dating the wrong guy. Allie
Dear Allie, It seems that you’re meeting enough men. Perhaps your expectations are unrealistic, your screening process is flawed, or your chemistry sensor isn’t functioning well.
Before you meet another man, step back and list your requirements. Evaluate each carefully and ask yourself if you’re raising the bar too high. Discard extraneous qualifications and focus on those which matter, such as character and common values.
Most first dates aren’t magical—many are awkward and stressful. Often guys who make wonderful mates are mediocre daters. The only way to discover if someone is up to snuff is to meet several times and get to know him.
Chemistry often takes time to develop. You’re more likely to waste time if you reject people too quickly, rather than becoming acquainted with several men at a time. Studies show that romantic chemistry often develops gradually. Only 10 percent of adults in the U.S. report that they found lasting love at first sight, according to cultural anthropologist Helen Fisher.
If you have always relied on instant chemistry to determine whether a man is a good candidate for a relationship, ask yourself how well that has worked. Then try a different approach.
Take your time to get to know several men, while being open to the possibility that you won’t know who will be “the one” until you’ve gotten to know him over time.
I’ll be giving free Three Minute Love Life Makeovers at San Francisco’s Golden Gate Yacht Club Dance Party for Singles, starting at 8PM on Friday, September 17th. Hosted by ProGuildSocial.com. You’ll enjoy inspiring views of San Francisco Bay, DJ dancing, no host bar, party snacks, fun mixer games in a romantic setting with a friendly group of people. Click here to buy tickets
I’ll be speaking about handling the challenges of midlife dating while you meet new people at a Midlife Singles Mixer at the Hilton in Newark on Tuesday, October 5, from 7:00 – 9:00 PM. Co-sponsored by Society of Single Professionals. Enjoy a fun mixer game, and nibble on complimentary appetizers (until they run out) while socializing with potential new friends or…who knows?
Read the latest dating resources, amusing articles and information by “liking” my Get A Love Life page on Facebook!
For more info: San Francisco based midlife dating coach, Annie Gleason, teams up with singles who are frustrated with the dating scene and supports them as they transform their love lives with her exclusive five-step program. Check out dating classes, events and midlife dating information at www.getalovelife.net or email [email protected]
All of Annie Gleason’s San Francisco Dating Examiner articles © 2010 by Annie Gleason — reposts permitted with copyright notice and link to original article. All other rights reserved.