Can you remember, as a teen, the heartaches, the tears, and that “sick” feeling you felt in your gut when your boyfriend or girlfriend said these words, “I think we should just be friends”? What about the time you heard or saw them with someone else? No one wants to be reminded of those feelings. So, why aren’t we talking to our teens about these types of things, before they get involved in them? We, as parents, learned the hard way- allowing our hearts and bodies to be too involved at such a young age made our hearts sick. It is our duty and responsibility to ensure our children enjoy every aspect of life and if sharing our past mistakes can help make that possible, then so be it.
Not only did we endure sick hearts and restless nights from being overly involved at such early ages, but we also carried with us into adulthood, unnecessary emotional baggage. For some of us, that baggage was carried into our marriages. Is this what we want for our children? Open up as parents, and explain to your children how you became aware of the outcomes of being involved to early emotionally and physically. Tell them the mistakes you made and what those negative outcomes were. For those of you who had children as teens, explain to them the struggles you endured raising children at such an early age. All too many times, we want to overlook our pasts and give the textbook answers to their questions. It’s time out for that!
Explain to your teens God’s view (abstaining) on sex before marriage. Share with your children the benefits of purity. Below is a list of things to discuss with your teen/child about saving themselves for marriage. Remember, to try and listen as much as possible. They may share things with you that cause your toes to curl, but try not to let it show on your face. Don’t make accusations when they ask you questions. Remember, you want them to feel comfortable talking to you about anything- including sex.
Things to discuss
- With pre-marital sex comes baggage that has the potential to become much heavier as you get older. Having sex before marriage causes us to compare our husbands/wives to our previous partners. It hinders our freedom in our marriages and sometimes it causes marriages to fail.
- When God commands us to not have sex prior to marriage, He wasn’t just making up rules. He had our future in mind. When we abstain from sex and we later get married, our first sexual encounter with our spouse is the “bomb” because there is nothing to compare it to.
- Waiting until you are married to be involved emotionally and physically automatically reduces the pressure and drama your sexually active friends are enduring.
- Abstaining allows you to be in an elite group of men and women. Not just anyone can be apart of this group. This group is for those young men and women who are determined to get out of life everything it has for them.
By no means are we saying our teens shouldn’t have friends or enjoy relationships, but try to encourage “light” relationships- those relationships that they aren’t totally consumed in or obsessed with. If we wait until they are teens to talk with them about these types of things, then we are probably to late. Children are being introduced to sex in elementary and middle schools. REMEMBER: We want our teens to have healthy relationships both now and in the years to come, so listen, share, and encourage.