Over the weekend, it would appear that Kanye West decided that it was time to address the masses. In what can only be described as a “Kanye West: State of The Kanye Union”, West took to Twitter to offer the longest, most rambling apology ever– of course it was directed at Taylor Swift– and he name-checked a series of pop culture touchstones that were completely unexpected, including the Will Ferrell comedy Anchorman (!!!). Keep on reading for the full recap, my gentle Examiner readers…
We’ve known for some time that Kanye West is absolutely insane, but what we haven’t known is whether or not he feels bad about that whole “interrupting Taylor Swift at the MTV Video Music Awards” thing. Oh, sure, he’s apologized once or twice before, but prior to this weekend– when the musician went on an epic, several-hour Twitter rampage wherein he made the biggest apology of his life– we weren’t convinced. After what follows, I’m still not sure that we’re convinced, but we’re sure as hell entertained.
Gawker edited together the entirety of Kanye’s rant, deleting an army of unnecessary ellipses and correcting some of the more egregious spelling errors. Here’s what Kanye’s apology looks like, all at once. See if you can keep track of all the unexpected pop culture references in here (including the aforementioned Anchorman and Wicked, the Broadway smash about a witch that apparently spoke deeply to Kanye):
I’ve always been at the mercy of the press, but no more… The media tried to demonize me. They wanted y’all to believe I was a monster in real life so you guys wouldn’t listen or buy my music anymore. I feel like they were waiting for the opportunity to go in all the way on me, and when it came, they beat me to a pulp. Even now a lot of articles start their first two paragraphs about how much of an (BLEEP) I am.
I accept the idea (ideal) that perception is reality. When I say perception is reality I mean whatever you think is the truth is your truth. Some people’s truth is Kanye is racist—It’s not my truth, but I do believe it’s my Karma… walk with me…
With the help of strong will, a lack of empathy, a li’l alcohol, and extremely distasteful and bad timing, I became George Bush over night. How deep is the scar? I bled hard. Cancelled [a] tour with the number one pop star in the world. Closed the doors of my clothing office. Had to let employees go.
For the first time, I felt the impact of my brash actions. People booed when I would go to concerts and the performer mentioned my name. Remember in Anchor Man when Ron Burgandy cursed on air, and the entire city turned on him? But this wasn’t a joke. This was and is my real life.
There are people who don’t dislike me… they absolutely hate me! I was chilling with this white girl, having a conversation, and she cut me off and said, ‘Hold up—I thought you didn’t like us.’ That’s when you realize perception is reality.
I’ve been straying from this subject on Twitter but I have to give it to you guys raw now. If you Google “(BLEEP),” my face may very well pop up 2 pages into the search. Some people say, ‘Why worry about the haters?’ This is bigger than just the concept of haters. I have a mission in life to bring truth and beauty through my music and the visuals that anchor around it.
The media has successfully diminished the “receptive” audience of (3rd person) KANYE WEST. Taking a 15 second blip, the media have successfully painted the image of the ANGRY BLACK MAN, The King Kong theory. I’m the guy who, at one point, could perform the Justin Timberlake on stage and everyone would be sooo happy that I was there.
People tweeted that they wish I was dead… No listen. They wanted me to die, people. I carry that. I smile and take pictures through that. I wear my scars. It’s almost like I have to wear a suit to juxtapose my image. And I won’t lie: It works.
I wrote a song for Taylor Swift that’s so beautiful, and I want her to have it. If she won’t take it then I’ll perform it for her. She had nothing to do with my issues with award shows. She had no idea what hit her. She’s just a li’l girl with dreams like the rest of us. She deserves the apology more than anyone. Thank you Biz Stone and Evan Williams for creating a platform where we can communicate directly. We’re both artists, and the media and managers are trying to get between us. Everyone wants to capitalize off this in some way. I’m ready to get out of my own way. The ego is overdone… like hoodies.
I know there are family members friends and fans that have literally fought for me. There are people who have named their kids after me—can you imagine that next day in school. Even though I don’t have kids, I am responsible for those who love and represent me and what they have to deal with on a day to day, defending “The American Psycho.”
I watched Justin Timberlake at the Grammies lose every televised award including album of the year, which the Dixie Chicks won. I would have run on stage for Justin that night because Sexy Back (in my mind) was that important, that impactful to our culture.
It’s not about race, America. No one in our position ever stands up and says anything anymore. I have given my awards to other groups multiple times on national TV; they never showed that this past year, during the massacre of Kanye.
Who’s seen the play Wicked? I’ve seen it 4 times! Other than loving the music acting and costumes… it’s my story! The Wicked Witch of the West basically is so convicted to tell her truth [that] when she does it, she is outcast by society and turned wicked.
With new-found humility, who am I to run on stage? I would never ever again in a million years do that. Sorry to let you down. It is distasteful to cut people off as a general rule. What’s the point of dressing tastefully if I’m going to act the complete opposite? Yes I was that guy. A 32 year old child. When I woke up from the crazy nightmare I looked in the mirror and said GROW UP KANYE. I take the responsibility for my actions. I am not a bad person. Even in that moment I was only trying to do good.
But people don’t always need my help. Beyonce didn’t need that. MTV didn’t need that. And Taylor and her family, friends, and fans definitely didn’t want or need that.
These aren’t regular tweets… this is stream of consciousness… I want you guys to know and feel where my head is at… It feels like the movie Heat, when you wanted Deniro to make it… You want the bad guy to make it.
These tweets have no manager, no publicist, no grammar checking [ed: they do now.]… this is raw. Humanity and Empathy are two of the four principles at facebook. Those were the two principles I was missing on that evening.
Why are there so many tweets? Well, this isn’t a simple subject. There are layers to this beyond me running on stage. You’ve got the top layer: Kanye’s rude! (If I speak in 3rd person it’s because I’m quoting people; sometimes I forget to put [in] the quotations. You know my grammar.) You’ve got a layer of order… this is how things are supposed to go, this is how it’s always been. etc; you’ve got a layer of-what is [it], reality? You really want this guy to die over an award show? Wooooooow… You’ve got the Media play… Who benefitted off of the moment? MTV? JAY LENO? BEYONCE? ALL FORMS OF MEDIA? TAYLOR? KANYE WEST? Who gained? Who lost?
Walk with me people… let’s break this down for real now. I might get in trouble again. WHO BENEFITED, FOR REAL, PEOPLE? A year later where do we stand?
There’s a layer of ‘hey Kanye said what I was thinking.’ There’s a layer of… Entertainment: We are entertainers and this is only TV, not the War. Why was it made into such a race issue? Taylor loves rap music… I love country music. TAYLOR LOVES RAP MUSIC… I LOVE COUNTRY MUSIC. When I write songs like Heartless, I always say “is this melody good enough to be a country song or a broadway song?”
I’ve hurt, I’ve bled, I’ve learned. I only want to do good. I am passionate. I am human. I am real.
I wish I could meet every hater. I wish I could talk to every hater face to face, and change their opinion of me, one conversation at a time. I wish they all knew how much I really cared about music and pop culture and art and people’s feelings. I wish they could accept that I’ve grown and only want to do good for the world. I want to help as many people as I can. I want to help starting with the music and ending with the smile. I want to win their hearts back so I can continue to bring my take on culture to the masses with a clean opinion.
It starts with this: I’m sorry Taylor.
So, what do you guys think? Enjoy the name-checked movies, plays, and celebrities in Kanye’s bizarre rant? Not so much? Feel bad for the guy, or is this just your latest reason to dislike Kanye even more? Sound off with your comments in the appropriate area below, and be sure to check back in with the Comedy Examiner’s Office later today for more shenanigans. While you’re waiting, let’s watch one of our favorite Kanye West moments again, just for old time’s sake: