Kanye West recently revealed he had severe suicidal thoughts following his bum rush of Taylor Swift on stage at the 2009 Video Music Awards. After enduring public humiliation, Kanye confessed he left the country to contemplate the meaning of life, and oftentimes, found it wasn’t worth living.
“EVERYTHING HAS BEEN TAKEN AWAY FROM ME”
Kanye revealed that pre-VMA’s he’d been dealing with three deaths of those close to him in the last three years, one of which included his mother, Donda West’s, passing. He felt despondent, hopeless and driven by alcoholic rage.
“There were times that I contemplated suicide,” the 33-year-old ‘Runaway’ star told Ellen while visiting The Ellen Show. Adding later he felt “everything has been taken away from me” and admitting he never took the time to grieve over his mother’s death.
KANYE: I WAS FORCED TO LEAVE AMERICA
With his emotions trapping him and the media bashing him, Kanye felt he only had one choice to save his life – Leave the country. He bailed from North America and
“I left America,” he finally explained of his mysterious disappearance after the Taylor Swift on-stage debachle.”I stopped doing music all together.”
“I took some time. I went to Japan just so I could get away from paparazzi. Then in November I moved to Rome and lived there and when I came back to the states I moved to Hawaii. I lived there for about six months and just worked on music.”
TWO PROMISES FROM KANYE WEST
Kanye says he feels more grounded since his stateside return and adds that he finally found motivation in his music and life-saving inspiration from his fans. As a self-proclaimed “Solider of Culture”, Kanye made two promises to fans during his confession.
“I will not give up on life again,” he said. And, “I’ll never sit in an awards show again.”
ONE MORE: “I WILL NEVER GO ONSTAGE AGAIN”
“For the world to crash off of a moment of sincerity or alcohol or whatever it is…I feel in some ways I’m a solider of culture. I realize no one wants that to be my job and I’ll never go onstage again.”
As for taking his life, Kanye said that he doesn’t feel the same way he did before. He finds hope in being the voice for his fans that can’t speak out on public issues and social change.
KANYE: “I LIVE FOR MY FANS”
“There’s so many people that will never get the chance to have their voice heard… I do it for them.”
Adding, “Will I feel convicted about things that meant stuff to culture that constantly get denied? I’m sorry I will. I cannot lie about it to sell records.”