If you have solid proof that your spouse or significant other is cheating on you, most experts agree that you should confront him about the affair.
You need to get as much information as possible about the affair so you can make an intelligent decision about what to do. But it won’t be an easy task.
Since liars cheat and cheaters lie, you probably won’t get the truth – at least not the first time around.
Listed below are 5 things you can expect when you question the cheater about his affair, and a few suggestions on how to go about getting him to open up and tell you the truth.
How the Cheater May React to Being Questioned about the Affair
When you confront your spouse or significant other about his infidelity, there are 5 things you can expect.
- Anger– He may get angry at you for daring to question him about the affair. He may also get angry with himself at himself for getting caught, or get angry with the person, or persons he suspects of telling you about the affair.
- Defensiveness– He may try to blame you for his affair, or make try to make you think it’s your fault that he cheated.
- Diversionary Tactics– He may try to make you feel guilty for spying on him or for asking him about the affair, or accuse you of being jealous. He may also try to turn the tables by accusing you of cheating on him.
- Lies– He may lie to you for one or more of the reasons discussed in the article entitled 9 Reasons a Cheater Will Lie About His Affair.
- Silence – He may simply clam up and refuse to talk about the affair, at all.
The Best Way to Get the Cheater to Tell You the Truth
Before you can make an intelligent decision about how to handle the matter, you need to get as much information as possible from the cheater about the affair.
Although you may have gathered considerable evidence on your own and already know a great deal about his affair, you make still need additional information from him to fill in the blanks.
The suggestions below will help you get the cheater to open up and tell you the truth about his affair. Once you understand the full scope of the situation, you’ll have a better idea f what course of action to take.
- Choose a time and place to have the conversation where you won’t be interrupted or overheard.
- Question the cheater in a non-threatening manner, and calmly ask him what you want to know.
- Try to make the cheater see that it’s to his advantage to tell you the truth.
- Let him know that the consequences of lying to you be far worse than telling you the truth.
- Tell him you’re trying to understand his feelings, and make some sense of what has occurred.
- Be patient with him, and encourage him to open up and tell you the truth.
- Keep in mind that ranting, raving, shouting, screaming, cursing, or name-calling will have the opposite effect and will only produce negative results.
- Realize that it may take several conversations before he’ll come clean about the affair.
- When he does start talking, listen carefully and calmly to what he has to say, no matter how angry, outraged, or hurt you may feel.
And If He Still Won’t Talk
Don’t become discouraged, angry or frustrated if he doesn’t open up right away. Try again at a later date.
If he continues to lie, or if he clams up, consider enlisting the services of a marriage counselor trained in dealing with infidelity to help draw him out.
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*** © copyright 2010 Ruth Houston All Rights Reserved.
Ruth Houston is a New York-based infidelity expert who is frequently called on by the media to comment on high profile infidelity and popular infidelity issues in the news. She is the founder of www.InfidelityAdvice.com , the author of Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs, and publishes the Infidelity News and Views blog. To interview infidelity expert Ruth Houston, or have her speak at your next event, call 718 592-6029 or e-mail [email protected]
For more practical advice on dealing with infidelity, see the articles below:
9 Reasons a Cheater Will Lie About His Affair
Should You Take a Cheater Back? – How to Decide
When to Give Cheater a Second Chance
What Are the Major Obstacles to Taking a Cheater Back?
If He’s Cheating, Take a Firm Stand
Why Women Stay with Men Who Cheat
Rebuilding Your Marriage After He’s Cheated on You – 12 Mistakes to Avoid
Will He Leave You for Her?
What You Need to Know about Your Husband’s Mistress and Why
What NOT to Do If He’s Cheating on You
How Wives with Cheating Husbands Can Gain the Upper Hand (free tip sheet)
Infidelity Resources to Help You Catch or Keep Tabs on a Cheating Mate
Free Infidelity Tip Sheets and Special Reports