What type of relationship do you have? Do you find yourself scribblng his name thoughtlessly on a scrap of paper? Do you daydream about the last time you were together? Do you whisper sweet nothings as you gaze into each other’s eyes? Do you spend every moment you have free expressing your love and adoration for one another?
Do you have a relationship that is full of dramatic emotional shifts? Is jealousy pervasive in your romantic life? Does your mate call you dozens of times to check on your whereabouts? Have you found yourself fearing your mate’s reactions to the point where you withdraw or hide your own feelings?
Is cursing, screaming and abusive language part of your regular communication with your mate? Do you threaten, stalk, destroy property? Did polite attention turn into obession? Have you or your mate become so lost in the relationship that neither of you have control over your emotions or reactions?
Any time you invite volatile emotions into your relationship, you open the door for abuse. Do you know women who think it is perfectly fine to slap a man? Have you ever met a man who finds it normal to tell his mate how to dress, who to talk to and when, where, and how she should behave? Often the relationship starts out fairly normal. Then small things that go unnoticed like insults, harassment, emotional games, become the main ingredients of the relationship.
There are couples who routinely have fights that lead to passion. Thus creating a cycle. A conditioning. Sure, many people break up and make up, but these people take the break ups to dangerous levels. They are the people who slash tires, throw bricks through windows, and key cars. The relationships are hostile and oppressive.
How in the world do these relationships go from the innocent honeymoon period to hell on earth? Often the relationships are symptomatic of people who have emotional, psychological and esteem issues. Jealousy, insecurity, and irrational behavior make for a toxic mix. Sometimes they really cannot control their behavior and later regret it, thus the make up sessions. Certainly there can be subtle forms of abuse that lead up to domestic violence. By the time you get to the point of needing a restraining order or seeking help from a battered women’s shelter, a number of abuses may have already occurred.
This morning, the writer of this column along with Kelley Coyne, with United Family Services, spoke to the No Limit Larry and the Morning Maddhouse Show on Power 98 fm about domestic violence. You may listen to the taped show here. On the show, the topic of discussion was the article Can domestic violence be addictive? Ms. Coyne spoke about the services available to victims and batterers through UFS.
It is important to stop the abuse before it gets to the point that it is uncontrollable. What do you do to keep order and love in your relationship and abuse and fear out of it?