Most guys have been in this situation at some point — your girlfriend or wife is going all out for Halloween with a well-planned and highly anticipated costume, and you have no clever ideas for yourself. The clinical reaction is to go to the nearest costume store and fork over $60 for $0.85 worth of plastic and fabric, which is a fine strategy for the busy or admittedly uncreative. If you’re in the greater Sacramento area, Evangeline’s can help you with such a getup.
For people with more time and creativity than money, here are 10 simple and inexpensive costumes that, in a prefect world, can be constructed with things you already have around the house.
Hobo– Next to a ghost, this might be as simple as costumes get. Torn, wrinkled, or dirty clothes and dirty makeup on your face. Greasy, messed-up hair. A long stick with a handkerchief full of crumpled paper tied to the end of it if you really want to go all the way.
Ninja– All black pants, shirt, shoes. Black t-shirt cut and wrapped around head and face. Creepy anonymity until you disclose your identity.
Rock Star– All this one takes is a pair of those ridiculous skinny pants, dirty unkept hair, a vest or tie with no shirt underneath, and then just play like you are having heroin withdrawals. Even rock stars that aren’t on heroin seem to do that.
PGA Golfer– Bright, obnoxious polo shirt, slacks, and a golf club. White guys can be Phil Mickelson, as he is the most recognizable of the bunch. Black guys seem to automatically be Tiger Woods, which opens up a whole different avenue.
Soldier– Perfect for the relative of someone who has served in our armed forces and has access to camo gear and boots. Weapon optional.
Vampire– Fangs from the 99 Cent store and toothpaste to clean out germy, strange tasting mouth at end of night from having foreign-made plastic on your teeth and gums. Don’t get toothpaste from 99 Cent store though. Splurge a little.
Ron Burgundy– The main ingredient is the red or crimson blazer, preferably corduroy. The second and third ingredients are a heavy dose of personality and a mustache.
The Situation– The Jersey Shore poster-boy for fake posers is easy to pull off if you have a decent physique. Although behaving like the human trash that he is will likely land you in the slammer if you are sans MTV lawyers.
Flavor Flav– If you are running out of time, simply yank the clock off of your kitchen wall, tie some yarn or rope to it and hang it from your neck like the shriveled musical legend himself. This will however require more than double the personality of Ron Burgandy. And unlike Flav, you have to capture his personality without actually smoking crack.
Ghost– So half-a$$, it’s more like nickel-a$$. Grab a white or beige sheet, cut some eyeholes in it, and give hidden hand gestures underneath the thin covering toward people who clearly put far more time and effort into their costumes.