As soon as you hear “It’s a girl,” a little bit of you may cringe. Now you have to buy a new gun and treat every single teenage boy and grown man you meet like he’s bin Laden. You’d prefer your daughter never develop breasts, thighs and hips, and you want her to stay a virgin until you die. Fat chance of that happening so now you’re faced with the fact that sooner or later that little girl you chased around tickling and who posed for Easter photos has grown up. Her clothes may have gotten a little tighter on her way to Ford City or Chicago Ridge. She’s always giggling before you walk into a room and rushes to the phone before you can hear a baritone voice on the other end of the phone line. Somebody needs to have the sex talk with her, and even if her mother does, you should, too.
Lyfe Jennings can make as many songs as he wants. Blasting “It’s Real,” “S.E.X.” and “Statistics” just isn’t going to cut it. Your daughter needs to hear from the male perspective and not from an R&B singer she doesn’t know or a guy that will be trying to figure out how to get her naked a.s.a.p.
As uncomfortable as it may be, shrug it off and look at it this way:
Observation 1: What can you lose from educating your daughter about sex? While young men her age may lose out on her as a potential sex partner if they educate her on the dangers of STDs, teenage pregnancy and lack of birth control, you know that if you tell her the truth she’ll hear you. She may be uncomfortable, but she knows that her healthy life is in your best interest.
Observation 2: You have a penis, too. Mom can always educate her about how women feel, but there’s not too much she won’t be able to figure out about how women feel considering she’s growing into one. While talking about menstrual cycles may leave you completely clueless, you do know what it’s like to be a man and what you were like the first time you had sex.
Observation 3: Educate her about your technique for guilt-tripping women into bed, if you did this at any point and time. While you may want to look like an angel to her, it’s incredibly helpful–although repulsive–when a young girl hears the exact same lines her father used to get a woman into bed. Instead of her thinking it’s cute when a guy does the same thing to her, your face will pop into her head. Nothing kills a buzz for a daughter quite like picturing her father while she was aroused.
Observation 4: Be honest with her about how and when you learned how to treat a woman. Assuming you’re not the serial single father who’s still working the clubs dressed like a Chicago pimp with alligator shoes on, stepping like you’re in an R. Kelly video, by now you should’ve learned how to treat a woman. Let her know how it should work. You don’t necessarily have to go as far as Lyfe Jennings did by telling women to tell a guy she’s celibate, but do let her know when it’s not a good idea to have sex.
Observation 5: Don’t lose your temper if she starts asking questions or giving you scenarios. The best way to make her shut down on talking to you ever again is to grow hostile about her asking you what-if questions. If you want her to answer your questions honestly, you have to be ready for her to keep it real with you. If you’re willing to calmly talk to her, she may be more apt to come back to talk to you when she needs a man’s opinion as opposed to the knucklehead boys she’s hanging out with who just can’t wait for her to be vulnerable.
Observation 6: You’re an equal parent in this relationship. Maybe your child’s mother will be relieved you want to talk to her. Maybe she’ll be angry if you talk to her first. But you both had this child 50/50. You have just as much right to talk with your child about sex as her mother does. If you want to forewarn your child’s mother, that’s a great idea, especially if you two are married or in a monogamous relationship. Keep the lines of communication open between the two of you. But her mother simply can’t tell her what it’s like to be a man. That’s your job.