Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m just not “hip” to what the rest of the world seems to be doing in their free time. It seems that most guys that I encounter take my choice to be single to mean that I’m all about having fun sexually, with no strings attached. The sex invitations seem neverending, and the guys become more and more blunt everyday with their advances.
There is a guy that we’ll speak of under the name of Ben. Ben is about 28, Ben has continued to speak of his love life, or lack thereof, as just hanging out with chicks every now and then, and that he and his girlfriend broke up because she doesn’t make him happy. This seemed like a somewhat believable story coming from Ben, because he seems honest, loyal, and like an all around stand up guy. However, thanks to Facebook, his real life story was completely uncovered this week, revealing that he is indeed still with his “ex” and they live together and raise two kids together. They constantly write all over each others walls with “I love you baby”s and other mushy sentiments. However, Ben has been calling and texting me almost every night for the last three months, wanting to come over and see if we could “hang out”, which of course, thanks to good ol’ drunk dialing/texting, translated into “hanging out” equaling sex in his mind.
This isn’t the first or last time that a guy has tried to have this kind of relationship with me, so I was already prepared with my speech, especially after finding out he is a taken man. I asked him about his girlfriend, and why he feels the need to cheat on her, and he avoided the question by saying “everythings all good, we’re just kicking it”. I then asked him a very simple, yet meaningful question: “What makes you feel that I am the kind of woman that just sleeps with anyone, especially a guy with a well established relationship?Do I have jumpoff written somewhere in my clothing tags or on my forehead?” He replied with a very interesting answer. He stated ” Baby you are nowhere near a jumpoff. A jumpoff is someone that has sex with a guy and all his friends.” This answer amused me, so I asked him what I would be considered to him, to which he replied ” A very special friend”. Needless to say the conversation was over after many hearty laughs over his creative reply!
This question seems to be a norm with single ladies all over. Why is it that because we are single, whether by choice or default, guys assume we are available for play? Many would be quick to say that females probably are presenting themselves in a negative, sexually-inviting manner, therefore giving the wrong impression to guys. However, this only applies in certain cases. Every single woman doesn’t dress provocatively and behave in sexually suggestive manners. Is it that we are the most available?
Even moreso, where is the respect that used to exist? Where are the men that actually prefer a woman that holds out instead of just giving themselves to any random attractive male? It may be a far stretch for most to save yourself until marriage, but what about being admired for saving yourself for something meaningful and right? So many guys are just looking for someone that will fulfill their sexual needs, then go about their business. Then they wonder why they can never find decent women to settle down with when they’re ready. The same goes for women.The blame is not just on disrespectful males, before you go thinking you’re off the hook. Many women have resorted to settling for being someone’s sex object just to have their attention. This happens so often to the point where most women are assumed to be down for it, causing guys to feel that they can get this kind of relationship from anyone. The behavior of settling for just a piece of a man in our society has almost made it understandable why most guys in this generation don’t want to settle down anytime soon.
The learning lesson in all of this is our actions influence other actions, and it is up to us to stop settling, males and females. When we begin to respect our self worth more and realize we are better than just being or having a sex buddy, only then will the current “jumpoff” trend be diminished.