Have you ever tried to get a babysitter in Vegas? It is not a simple task to find someone reliable to watch your child at night while you go out on a date. This is a 24-hour town and even teenagers are uber busy during the evenings. The ones you would want to watch your child are involved in so many activities that they do not have the time to babysit. This leaves you in quite a predicament if you are a single mom dating with kids.
Dating is difficult to do without obstacles, but when dating with kids there is always obstacles. These obstacles come both emotionally and physically.
Emotionally it can be difficult to date with kids for a variety of reasons. These reasons should include a bit of fear over the stability of your child.
Your date is dating both you and your child
When dating with kids, you have pretty much given up the right to do what it was you did as a single person before the children. This is dating in a new way. Now you have a child to think about and when a guy is dating you, he needs to understand that he is also dating your kids.
Yes I know, I just took all of the romance out of that first date. Yet seriously, dating is not just about you anymore. You may think you are just going out and having fun but what happens if you become attached to this person? Eventually that person would become part of your child’s life. The very first question you need to ask yourself before date one is could this person potentially be a father to my child?
Could this guy be a father to my kids?
If the answer is no, then do not even bother with the date. Again, you may think you are just going to go “hang out” but your emotions may decide differently later on in the night. Make the decision ahead of time whether this guy could work or not. You do not need to think marriage here but at least do yourself and your child a favor and think long-term. If the handsome guy standing at the door is jobless and living at his parents house with his superman sheets on the bed, he is probably not going to be the type of influence you want on your child. Try not to give in to the “I am lonely tonight and just need someone” syndrome.
Thinking long-term is another thought you need to keep a hold of before you introduce your date to your children. You may be healed from whatever led you to be single, but it is quite likely your child is not. All kids want their parents to get back together, that is just a fact. This being said, tread carefully when it comes time to introductions. I have been told and tend to agree that you should really not introduce your child to any guys unless you are absolutely positive that a marriage is somewhere in your near future. This makes sense because your child has already lost one father, they do not need to get attached to another man and then have him leave. That would be a double heartbreak. After a few too many of those your children could stop trusting anyone of the opposite sex.
Don’t share your dating life with your kids
One last thought here… Many women who are dating with kids have children they are really close too. You may think that your child is ready to hear anything and you just want to be honest with them. I am not telling you to lie to them, but do not try and talk to them or get their advice on your relationship. Again, they may put on a happy face but inside they probably still wish you and their dad would get back together. Also, kids need time to be kids. You do not need to dump your issues onto them. This is another reason why you have to be a little more careful with your choice of date.
I know that there is more than likely a part of you that just wants to get back out there and show the world you can get another man. Remember to take your time. There is no real hurry because the right one will be there at the right time. Take care of yourself, your emotions, and make your kids the priority.