There have been so many comments about this article that I decided to reprint it with a few comments of my own.
First of all, there is NOTHING in this article that tells you to play a game. Games in dating are classified as deceitful and dishonest. Lying or trying to be someone or something you are not. There is nothing in this article that IS a game! This article discusses a different way to communicate with a man on a first date that will give the woman an upper hand in getting a second date! After all isn’t that why people date? To get another date and ultimately to find a partner in life?
The reason I wrote this article is because so many women complain about not getting second dates and then they tell me what happened on the first date and it shocks me that they are even wondering WHY!
I have had numberous amounts of men tell me how frustrated they are because they can’t seem to find a woman who is interested in them. They tell me that they just want to get up and walk out of a date when women do nothing but talk! Listen up ladies, if you want to find a partner to be with, then you need to learn to shut it! Talk to your girlfriends, your mom, your kids, but DO NOT spend an entire date talking about yourself to a man! Not if you want to keep him around. You can NOT sit there and hold a one sided conversation with a man and end up telling him your entire life story and all your past garbage, including all about your past relationships and expect him to honestly want to date you again!
All I suggest in this article is to use a little tact when on a first date. There is NO reason why you need to go into you life’s entire past. This is the number one rule of dating, never discuss your ex’s or your past on a first date. If someone ask’s you about your past relationships you simply and politely say “I would prefer to talk about you”, or I really don’t care to discuss the past.” It let’s the other person know that you are living in the present and looking to the future.
Now to the article: Read it over and over if you need to, but trust me when I say, if you have had troubles in the past with talking too much and can’t seem to get a second or third date with the same man, maybe take a moment to look in the mirror and tell yourself to LISTEN instead of talk.
BEING UNPREDICTABLE IN THE PREDICTABLE WORLD OF DATING
A big part of what attracts men and keeps them thinking about a woman is how you can mix the serious with the fun and do it in an unpredictable way. Being unpredictable in a fun way with a man is pure magic.
For example: Let’s say you are in a bar or in a restaurant and you are talking with a man who sparks your interest. If you are like most women, then you will ask him some common questions about himself, his career, his family, his life, then end up talking about yourself for the rest of the night or trying to one up all his experiences with yours, etc.
This is way to predictable and only works in a few lucky situations or if you are some supermodel who can attract guys without even speaking. The first rule of thumb on a first date is you do NOT bring up your past, nor do you talk about yourself all that much, you will blow it completely!
I was sitting at a restaurant alone during my lunch hour last week and was sitting right next to a couple that was obviously on a first date. Here are a few things I saw that tells me they positively won’t be going out again.
1) The girl was doing all the talking, she was talking about her x boyfriend, her school, her job and the poor guy was just sitting there with this dumb founded look on his face, like is she ever going to shut up!
2) She finally did say something nice to him when she took a breath and he just smiled, that was about it.
3) When the date ended about the exact time as my lunch was over, they walked up to pay for dinner and he handed her the check and they split it half and half! OMG!
Now honestly after the date I overheard if I would have done the same thing. There was no date, all she did was talk about herself, she was not interested in him. Yet, I can guarantee that she sat at home waiting for his phone call and when he didn’t call, she probably cried or got mad.
FOLLOW UP: Just last week I saw the same guy in the bookstore where I was, I stopped him and explained to him who I was and that I had witnessed this date he had several months earlier and I had done an article about what I witnessed, he laughed and said, “Wow, that was a crazy date, I couldn’t wait to get out of there”, when I asked him the one thing he would change about the date he answered with a smile and said “I would have figured out a way to shut her up”, I didn’t even get to say much, she didn’t learn anything about me at all, so why would she want to go out with me again? I asked him if he ever called her and he said, “no way”, “I was interested in learning about her and I was able to do that in the hour we were on our date. ” I then asked him if he had any advice for women, he said “Yes, tell them to learn to keep somethings under wraps for us to discover. Part of dating is finding out the little mysteries of your life, but not all in one hour! Maybe in 6 months or so.” “I want someone who I can communicate with, not who communicates AT me and doesn’t allow me to talk or discuss things with them.” It’s the same with sex, if I can get a woman to have sex with me on the first date, great, BUT I know that she is not someone I want to see again. A woman who withholds sex and makes me work for it is fun and interesting and someone I respect and want to see again. I would rather wait three or six months for sex, because then I know she is really interested in me and has respect for herself too.”
Ladies! Don’t make this same mistake. Predictability is the enemy of interesting. If you are always predictable, then by definition you are NOT INTERESTING! Keep doing things that are interesting and unexpected.
You will be tempted to talk about regular stuff because if feels so normal, but you are not looking to be seen as normal or average.
Instead, take the conversation in your own direction. Ask interesting things he doesn’t expect and talk about HIM.
Here is a question you can ask. “What kind of woman do you respect?” This question when asked in a flirty type of way is great. The question is important but fun and subtle and it can build tension just a little to make him feel a bit excited and interested.
Asking this kind of question to a man you are interested in is ingenious. It’s like your giving him a truth serum that he can’t resist because the question is fun, inviting but challenging at the same time.
What’s fascinating is that you’re pushing his attraction buttons at the same time that your getting him to open up.
Men have some common situations that they might secretly want to avoid talking about with women, like admitting whether they are just out to play around or if they are looking to settle down. The secret is to not avoid these issues, but turn them to your advantage. Men have a whole set of “triggers” wired around these things that are waiting for women to tap into, as long as they are approached the right way.
If you are challenging a man’s thoughts and character in a playful way, you will instantly become unique in his mind. You will have separated yourself from the 95% of other women out there who can’t or won’t challenge men.
Till next time,