Even after his affair has been exposed, a cheating man will rarely come clean.
So even if you’ve got the goods on your cheating mate, and plan to confront him with solid proof of his infidelity, prepare yourself for the fact that he still may not tell you the truth.
There are several reasons why a cheater might lie, omit facts, or flat out refuse to talk about the details or circumstances surrounding his affair.
- Embarrassment – the cheater may be too embarrassed at having been discovered to talk about the affair.
- Guilt – the cheater may be so consumed with guilt that he can’t bring himself to discuss the affair.
- Fear of Your Reaction – the cheater may be afraid that you will rant and rave, throw things, or become violent. He may be afraid that if he admits to having the affair you will leave or put him out.
- Concern for Your Feelings – the cheater may be filled with remorse for having hurt you, and afraid that revealing additional facts about the affair will cause you more pain.
- Inability to Express Himself – the cheater may not know how to verbalize his behavior, how to put his thoughts into words, or how to tactfully describe what he has done. He may not even know why he had the affair.
- Fear You Won’t Forgive Him – the cheater may feel that his behavior was so despicable that you’ll never be able to forgive him for what he did. He may feel that discussing the matter is a lost cause.
- Fear that You’ll Use What He Says Against Him – the cheater may be afraid that you’ll use what he says against in a court of law, bring it up in every other conversation from now on, or use it to manipulate him in some way.
- Assuming Talking Won’t Help – the cheater may feel that he’s already a condemned man — that you’ve already made up your mind to leave him, and that there’s nothing he can say to make you change your mind.
- It’s an Exit Affair –. Some cheaters are too cowardly to end a committed relationship or ask for a divorce. So they have an affair in order to force the issue and bring things to a close. Once his mission has been accomplished, there’s really nothing for him to say.
The bottom line is this: cheaters lie – liars cheat. Cheating and lying go hand in hand.
So don’t be surprised when you confront him with the evidence of his infidelity, and he still continues to lie.
Since you probably won’t get the information you need to make an intelligent decision about how to handle his affair, you’ll probably have to confront him again at a later date.
It might take several conversations with the cheater, before you finally get the truth. It may come out in dribs and drabs.
And even then, there may be aspects of his infidelity that he simply refuses to discuss. For suggestions on how to get him to open up and talk about the affair, see the article entitled How to Get a Cheater to Tell You the Truth about His Affair.
*** © copyright 2010 Ruth Houston All Rights Reserved.
Ruth Houston is a New York-based infidelity expert who is frequently called on by the media to comment on high profile infidelity and popular infidelity issues in the news. She is the founder of www.InfidelityAdvice.com , the author of Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs, and publishes the Infidelity News and Views blog. To interview infidelity expert Ruth Houston, or have her speak at your next event, call 718 592-6029 or e-mail [email protected]
For more practical advice on dealing with infidelity, see the articles below:
How to Get a Cheater to Tell You the Truth about His Affair
Should You Take a Cheater Back? – How to Decide
When to Give Cheater a Second Chance
What Are the Major Obstacles to Taking a Cheater Back?
If He’s Cheating, Take a Firm Stand
Why Women Stay with Men Who Cheat
Rebuilding Your Marriage After He’s Cheated on You – 12 Mistakes to Avoid
Will He Leave You for Her?
What You Need to Know about Your Husband’s Mistress and Why
What NOT to Do If He’s Cheating on You
How Wives with Cheating Husbands Can Gain the Upper Hand (free tip sheet)
Infidelity Resources to Help You Catch or Keep Tabs on a Cheating Mate
Free Infidelity Tip Sheets and Special Reports